Cat Humor Page
I snitched this from www.Bellashouseandpets.com
Danielle Vasta is a great award-winning pet sitter who's been on both shows
Have laugh on her:
Cat Etiquette
* If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental rug.
* Determine quickly which guests hates cats, or are allergic. Sit on that lap during the evening. He won't dare push you off and will even call you "nice kitty." If you can arrange to have cat food on your breath, so much better.
* For sitting on laps or rubbing against trouser legs select colors that contrast with your own.
* Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.
* For guests who say they love cats, be ready with aloof disdain, claws applied to stockings or a quick nip at the ankles. Don't forget to hiss.
* Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once the door is opened for you, it is not necessary to use it.
* You can change your mind. When you have ordered an outside door opened, stand half in and half out and think about several things. This is particularly important during cold weather or mosquito season.
* If one person is busy and the other is idle, sit with the busy one. For book readers, get in close under the chin, unless you can lie across the book itself.
* For people doing homework, sit on the paper being worked on. After being moved for the second time, push anything movable off the table -- pens, pencils, stamps -- one at a time.
* For ladies knitting, curl quietly into lap and pretend to dose. Then reach out and slap knitting needles sharply. This is what she calls a dropped stitch. She will try to distract you. Ignore it.
* Get enough sleep during the daytime so that you are fresh for playing at night between 2 and 4 a.m.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train (except Terriers and Shih Tzus)
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
MEDICAL TEST
STARE INTO THE CAT'S EYES FOR 10 SECONDS
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Then Scroll Down
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NOW STARE IN THE PUPPY'S EYES FOR 10 SECONDS ...
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Cats & Music Appreciation
FROM THE INTERNET HUMOR FILE
(Depending on your connection speed, animated images
may take a few moments to load.)
Cat listening to Stevie Wonder Cat listening to HOUSE music Cat listening to Metal Cat listening to Hip Hop Cat listening to GANGSTA RAP Cat listening to Techno(on Ecstasy)
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Tracie welcomes any and all questions about cats AND dogs on both her live radio shows. Call in to DOG TALK on Saturdays from 11-Noon (EST) to 800-394-8830 or Wednesdays 8-9 PM (EST) to CAT CHAT 866-675-6675. (You don't need to have Sirius to call in!)
