Dog Humor Page
The Consequences of Deforestation
Dogs & Their Owners
Smokey's Dad Bob in Atlanta sent this lovely "pick-me-up"
The photographer did a great job of matching up the kids and dogs. This is absolutely adorable!
A friend is someone we turn to when our spirits need a lift.
A friend is someone we treasure for our friendship is a gift.
A friend is someone who fills our lives with beauty, joy, and grace.
And makes the world we live in a better, happier place.
There is a miracle called friendship, that dwells in the heart. You do not know how it happens or when it gets it's start.
But you know the special lift it always brings. You realize that friendship is the world's most precious gift!
WHY GOD MADE PETS
They help out around the house...
They protect our children...
They look out for the smaller ones...
They show us how to relax...
They 'converse' with each other.
They help you when you're down...
They are great at decorating for the Holidays..
They have 'great' expectations.
They are Patriotic.
They are happy to 'test' the water.
They love their 'teddies'
They know who's 'BOSS.
AND - They know when we need a good LAUGH!
HAVE YOU SMILED TODAY? It is done by moving the corners of the mouth upward. LET ME SHOW YOU HOW...
Dog Diary vs. Cat Diary
DOG DIARY
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
CAT DIARY
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order To keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Jerks!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the Guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
Dog Obedience School Winner
Best Positions in Bed (Cat & Dog Humor)
Click here to view Best Positions in Bed
25 Ways to Improve Your Health
1.) Brush twice a day!
2.) Dress right for the weather.
3.) Visit the dentist regularly.
4.) Get plenty of rest.
5.) Make sure your hair is dry before going outside.
6.) Eat right.
7.) Get outside in the sun every once in a while.
8.) Always wear a seatbelt.
9.) Control your drinking of alcoholic beverages.
10.) Smile! It will make you feel better.
11.) Don't over indulge yourself.
12.) Bathe regularly.
13.) Read to exercise the brain.
14.) Surround yourself with friends.
15.) Stay away from too much caffeine.
16.) Use the bathroom regularly.
17.) Get plenty of exercise.
18.) Have your eyes checked regularly.
19.) Eat plenty of vegetables.
20.) Believe that people will like you for who you are.
21.) Forgive and forget.
22.) Take plenty of vacations.
23.) Celebrate all special occasions.
24.) Pick up a hobby.
25.) Love your neighbor as yourself.
Do all these things and you will be a happier, healthier person.
Inoculation, Worming and...?
I got this lovely little story called 'A VISIT TO THE VET" from a wonderful listener in Ft. Lauderdale who does Dobermann rescue (and says she lives in Ft. Doberdale).
A NON-STOP TALK client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. She loved them so much, she couldn't keep from remarking about their cute habits.
As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished.
After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I never realized they had to be baptized."
Why Women Should Get a Dog
If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says its not quite as good as his mother made it then get a dog.
If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want then get a dog.
If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies then get a dog.
If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores... then get a dog.
If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especi ally worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually then get a dog.
But, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness...
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
Then get a cat!
Now be honest, you thought I was going to say.... then marry a man ;-)
Home Alone
I never take the time to look at most humorous things people send me but this is just enchanting - if you're ever wondering what your dogs do when you lave them home alone!
Sleeping Dog
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard; I could tell
from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was
well taken care of.
He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train (except Terriers and Shih Tzus)
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
